How to Help Your Partner With Delayed Ejaculation

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Delayed ejaculation can happen to anyone at any age. If you have this problem, consult with a health professional for reassurance and assessment to identify the cause.

If masturbation is the issue, retraining to a style that promotes orgasm can be helpful. Sex therapy can also teach a behavioral approach, like the squeeze technique or a method described as start and stop.

1. Listen.

It’s not talked about as much as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, but delayed ejaculation is still a serious issue. It’s not just frustrating for the person affected, but it can put emotional and even physical stress on a relationship.

If your partner has DE, it’s important that you communicate openly with them. You don’t want to make them think that their inability to reach climax is their fault or that you don’t care about them.

Delayed ejaculation can be caused by many things. It can be a side effect of some medicines and it can happen with age, as the nerve endings in the penis become less sensitive. It can also be a result of sex-related habits, such as using a masturbation technique that causes intense pressure and friction that can’t easily be duplicated with a partner.

Treatment options include medication and psychotherapy (also called talk therapy). There are no drugs that have been specifically approved for treating ejaculation problems, but some antidepressants can help. Psychotherapy can be done alone or as a couple and is most successful when both partners are engaged in the process.

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2. Share.

There are no drugs on the market that have been specifically approved to treat delayed ejaculation (DE). But there is plenty of psychological and physical management that may help. One of the most important things is communicating openly and honestly with your partner about what’s going on. DE can make sexual satisfaction for both partners suffer, especially if it’s chronic.

There are a variety of reasons that DE occurs, including lifelong issues, which may have been present since puberty. It can also be acquired, such as after a medical or sexual event or certain kinds of stimulation. And it can occur only during masturbation or with specific sex partners.

If it’s an acquired problem, healthcare providers can work with the patient to discover an underlying cause and develop a treatment plan. This might include a physical examination, questionnaires, and possibly laboratory testing to examine urine and semen for signs of infection or hormonal imbalances. It might include retraining masturbation techniques to a more sexually satisfying style and introducing penile vibratory stimulation. And it might include medications that help increase lubrication and orgasm, like oral erectile dysfunction drugs.

3. Encourage.

Having a partner who doesn’t ejaculate when stimulated is frustrating and can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Some partners may assume that this is a sign of diminished sexual interest and stop trying to reach climax, but DE often improves with medical and psychological management.

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If a man’s ejaculation problem is due to certain medicines, his doctor might prescribe something that will help — but most of the time, DE can be overcome with open communication and some basic home remedies. For example, a desensitizing cream can make the penis more sensitive to stimulation, and a simple change like doubling up on condoms can reduce stimuli. Psychological and behavioral therapies have also helped many men, but they’re often reluctant to discuss their sexual problems out of shame or male pride.

Stress can also play a role in delayed ejaculation, and mindfulness exercises, such as focusing on the breath, have been shown to help relieve stress and improve libido [26].

4. Offer.

There are many treatments for delayed ejaculation, and the best approach depends on the cause. If the delay is a side effect of drugs, for example, a healthcare provider can try to change the drug or reduce the dosage. In some cases, a psychologist or mental health counselor can help if the delay is caused by psychological problems, like depression or anxiety.

In some cases, sex therapists work with couples to help them understand each other’s concerns about the lack of orgasm and to find a solution. This type of counseling can be very successful. It also prevents partners from seeing the problem as a sign of lessened sexual interest.

Other treatment options include behavioral sex therapy, which involves a partner helping the man reach an orgasm and encouraging masturbation in ways that increase immersion and sexual stimulation. The sex therapist may recommend the use of a vibrator to enhance sensations and promote ejaculation. Some medications may help as well, but they are off-label and not specifically approved for this purpose. They include oral erectile dysfunction drugs, such as Viagra and Cialis; and cyproheptadine, amantadine, buspirone or cabergoline.

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5. Support.

Approximately one to five percent of sexually active men suffer from delayed or impaired orgasm during penetration. It may occur with one or more partners, and it might not be present during all types of sexual activity.

Unlike premature ejaculation, which often results from physical causes, delayed ejaculation is generally caused by psychological factors. In these cases, treatment options are geared towards helping men align their sexual fantasies and expectations with more realistic outcomes. They might also include sex education, masturbatory retraining and other methods designed to teach couples to stay more relaxed during sex.

Depending on the cause of the problem, your partner might need to make changes in his lifestyle like cutting down on alcohol or stopping certain medications that can contribute to D.E. Similarly, Kegel exercises — which involve squeezing the muscles on the sides of the penis — could help some couples to prolong an erection. And counseling from a sex therapist or mental health counselor specializing in this area can be helpful for many people as well. Whether the person goes to counseling alone or with his partner, he’ll be given an opportunity to discuss his concerns in a safe and nonjudgmental environment.

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